The Custom of Cards as an End of Life Legacy Project

Using gratitude and writing as tools for death awareness and easing death anxieties.

Photo: Image of a card from my maternal great grandmother from a collection of family cards that my mother keeps. Reads “Thank you, You’re So Special. Love to all — G.G.”

Growing up my mom taught me and my siblings the value of expressing gratitude, namely through the tradition of writing thank you notes. For each holiday and birthday, she would keep a list of the presents we received so we could write personalized and timely thank you cards.

When we were very little, the letters often came in the form of doodles accompanied by a large, shaky attempt at our own signature. As I grew older, my thank you cards became more elaborate, using the two-fold space of a card to express my overall love and gratitude for my family and friends with less of a focus on the material items we had exchanged. An exchange of gifts gives me the reason to write but the card offers me the space to speak clearly and fully about the range of my emotions for someone. Instead of a brief verbal exchange of “thank you,” I can get to the bones of how and why I know I love someone.

For me, writing has also been an easier, less daunting, method of communication with others. It gives me the time, personal space, and privacy to more fully delve into my own thoughts and emotions before expressing them. I’m not confronted with someone’s immediate reaction to my words, whether good, bad, or indifferent. Through writing, I can…